Why Am I Dissatisfied with My Life?
from Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
Dissatisfaction is a topic that arises frequently when people engage in “real talk,” when they are in a safe space to tell the truth about their lives. It’s easily understandable among those of us who feel as if we have wasted time following unproductive paths, whether in the area of employment, relationships, or simply personal life choices.
It’s less obvious, however, for those of us who did all the “right” things and still feel dissatisfied with life.
The following is a fictional account of a conversation that might take place among seemingly “successful” people and why they are dissatisfied with their life. The characters are invented but the themes are very familiar to many of us. The scene takes place floating down a gentle river in a raft…
"While you guys were gone,” Malcolm says, “May was explaining to me that you can’t solve problems with the same thinking that we used when we created them. Apparently, it was Einstein who said that. Anyway, I know we talked about pursuing my hobby yesterday, and we all got excited about that as a possibility, especially me, but the fact remains that I don’t find my job very satisfying. How do I solve that problem? Why am I dissatisfied with my life? May tells me the answer lies in taking a step back to get a broader view of the situation and stop wracking my brain for answers.”
Malcolm has brought up a great subject that we can all relate to! Margaret is thinking about those dark circles she saw under her eyes a few days ago that made her take this vacation. Jeremy is following the conversation with interest because he’s not very satisfied with his life either. Annie is feeling empathetic towards her new friends. Benjamin is just confused.
Malcolm continues, “I kind of get that if my experience in the world isn’t satisfying, I guess I need to allow my intuition to guide me. I’ve thought about it most of the afternoon and I might have an inkling about where to start.” He looks at the river guide, who says, “Malcolm, why don’t you just think out loud.”
Malcolm begins his train of thought. “I think that what’s not working for me at the company is that people don’t seem to know how to talk to one another. There are the engineers, who know how the products are supposed to work, and then there’re the workers who seem to have problems putting them together. The assembly workers don’t know how to explain their difficulties to the engineers, partly I think because they’re afraid of them. And the engineers don’t know how to listen to the workers because they’re always thinking about new products, and they have a whole different language.”
May asks him, “Well, what’s missing? Do you think either of those groups is going to change the way they communicate?”
“No,” Malcolm answers. “I like the people I work with a lot. But I see them talking past each other every day.”
“So, what’s your inkling?”
“I think maybe I could be the bridge… I can hear what the workers’ problems are, and I know how to speak ‘engineer’. But that’s not my job.”
The guide laughs and interjects, “Who says? What is your job, anyway?”
“Well, I help the engineers get their designs turned into drawings that the assemblers can use, and I make sure those drawings are accurate. But nobody looks deeper to see why the drawings create problems for the assemblers. Nobody can persuade the engineers to think about their designs in terms of facilitating the assembly process, making things easier on the workers. Maybe I could do that.”
“Aha!” says the guide. “Vice President in charge of communication!” Malcolm is momentarily blown away by the idea. Same job, only really helpful and useful! I like it, he thinks.
May says, “And now, Malcolm, you’ve figured out how to tell a new story about your job, one that obviously has you energized! You get to recreate your job, from scratch, and I’ll bet you’ll find it satisfying to do so. You’ve discovered that you had a belief that it was management that created your job for you. And you now see how you can let go of that belief and how it will transform your experience in the process. You can recreate your existing job!”
Malcolm is nodding his head. He says, “That makes sense...” and with a growing sense of excitement, “all right! And I don’t have to change jobs. I get it now… I just change the way I think about the situation, instead of changing the situation. That sure wasn’t as hard as I imagined it would be!”
—Taken from my forthcoming book, Conversations on the River
Malcolm, our fictional character, might now describe his experience in terms of the flow of his creative juices. He has seen another possibility, one that is outside the range of options he’s been considering. In that opening, the power he has to create is suddenly free to express itself instead of being bottled up as his mind went ‘round and ‘round among his old thoughts.
Why am I dissatisfied with my life? Relinquish a self-limiting belief.
The seeing of new possibility can be thought of as the most powerful ability we humans have. It unleashes the experience of being called forth to create, of a new sense of freedom in which to play. In the “rush” of feeling that freedom, dissatisfaction can simply melt away. It doesn’t require hard work, or preparation, or any effort at all. It requires only relinquishing a self-limiting belief, which in Malcolm’s case was that it was up to management to create his job.
What is your self-limiting belief that’s standing in the way of a new experience of satisfaction in your life?
Is it in your personal relationships, with your job, in your religious community? Where might you allow yourself to examine a self-limiting belief that keeps you going ‘round and ‘round? Where might you take a step back and view your dissatisfaction from a broader sense of possibility? Read more on how to eliminate self-limiting beliefs here.
